Life Before Death
Life BEFORE Death
Life BEFORE Death Why Are We So Interested in This? Of all the human events that can take place in our lives, there are two which we ALL have in common: We are born and we will die. How will those events impact the time between them? There is only one person who has control over this, and that is you. There are books and articles written by people who had near death experiences. The entire experience is intriguing because while we don't want to experience it, we know we will one day. What will our experience be like? How much control will we actually have over it? Author Randy Pausch's preparation for his own death taught us a great deal about living a life in line with values. I've been thinking about this a lot more lately than ever. I had a terrible reaction to some medication and almost died. Let me tell you my story-
Life BEFORE Death I experienced an anaphylactic reaction to some medication last week. Basically, the medication caused my body to go into shock where I had no blood pressure, weak pulse and couldn't breath well. It is all kind of a blur except that I remember it happened very quickly, and I remember the palpable tension in the room. I could hear, but because I didn't have enough blood to my brain, I wasn't able to see anything but black. I had excruciating pain to my abdomen. I was very flushed and sweating alot. Thankfully, I was at my physician's office, and they were quick to respond. I could hear their voices, and at times I could even respond to them, but I felt quite certain that if something didn't happen quickly, I was going to die. I have never had a feeling like this is my life. It wasn't a huge panic type experience. It was more of a 'knowing.' I was taken by surprise! I try to live each day as if it could be my last, but I truly never expected last Wednesday to be my last day. It had been like any other ordinary day. I was tired from working long hours in the clinic, and I yearned to have a real day off to just relax. Even so, I hurried about to get my errands done all the while promising myself that 'some day' soon I would enjoy a relaxing day with friends. This day, though, I didn't have lunch with friends; I didn't laugh with people I love; I didn't show my husband the love I felt for him. No, I didn't do that. I think sometimes God gives us little nudges toward change. This day he gave me a big kick in the pants! The time to enjoy life is now. These are the days! Life BEFORE Death Prior to this event, there is one thing I abosolutely knew-the worst thing that could ever happen would be the loss of my son-whether that be in Iraq or right here in Texas. I couldn't imagine ever taking another breath, although I knew I would have to. I thought about this a lot when he was deployed in the military. During those moments when my body seemed to fail me, the predominant thought was-'I can't die today. I can't leave my son.' All along I believed that the worst thing that could happen would be for something to happen to him, when in truth, what kept me going was my desire to be there for him. This surprised me. I'm not really proud to say this, but it really surprised me. I guess I just hadn't thought about this before.
Remember that question I ask myself to keep things in perspective? Will I remember this on my deathbed?
As I wrote, I thought about my son and how I couldn't leave him alone. He has friends, but no other family for support. Since he was born and his father left, it was just the two of us.
I really wanted to see my husband. I felt very alone. I didn't expect to feel alone. I knew he could handle it without freaking out.
I remembered only good stuff, by the way. I really wanted to hang around for more!
Life BEFORE Death I really don't like drama which I define as the uber-emotional responses that seems so prevelant in our society. I felt somewhat embarrassed that I had caused some drama in the office that afternoon. I know what it is like to have a patient with an unexpected outcome-first you blame or question yourself once your own adrenaline kick wears off. Other patients had to wait because of all the hoopla. Others no doubt were upset by the ambulance arrival and what I can only imagine I looked like as they rolled me past on a stretcher. Once I felt a little better, this stuff definitely crossed my mind. I'm a low drama type person. At the time, I didn't feel a lot of anxiety. I was freakishly calm. However, even a week later, I feel a sense of uneasiness inside. I woke up in the middle of the night in kind of a panic for a few nights. While that passed, I still have a nervous feeling inside. I've made time for friends rather than run errands or do chores. Funny, I didn't think about the mess in the house or other chores. I spend more time playing with my dogs, enjoying the sunshine and even just doing nothing. I love playing guitar, but haven't been taking the time to pick it up. It has been so long that I've got to kind of start over. I decided to make my little guitar playing space special by purchasing a cute little chair, the perfect comfy pillow and even a music stands that fits in perfectly. I placed a delightful cut glass table next to the chair and I just love this space! A little extra work (okay, making this space was total FUN!) and a little out of my budget created a beautiful, peaceful space for me. I was going to wait to do this, but decided that waiting was no longer an option. Life BEFORE Death
So, what is next? I think everything happens for a reason, so I want to make the experience mean something more.
Life BEFORE Death?
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